FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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