I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
