You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
