so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
