I seem to have left my pride at pride
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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