i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
