but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
