ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
