Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize