remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
