Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Please don't give away my fajitas
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
