I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
