what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
