can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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