My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
