about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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