i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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