im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
