He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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