Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize