Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
