the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
