This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
