What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
