OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
