Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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