I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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