I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
