the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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