Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
God, I missed his penis.
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