Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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