So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
