nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
