just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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