i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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