forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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