The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
