that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
