Already got asked if we're dating
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
