I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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