So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
