the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
