Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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