somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
