I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
