we have officially mastered the walk of shame
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
