so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
