The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
