I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
