Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
nutella sex= disaster
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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