It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I look better un-naked...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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