just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
