We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
