1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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