mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
