I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
