I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
