I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
