Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
