Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize