Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
