well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
