What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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