I met the friendliest cop last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
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