I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
