I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
