I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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