Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.

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  (540): I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up. (540) I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid. http://tfl.nu/obhg
  Replies (20) Good night (3781) Bad night (610)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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  (505): He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis. http://tfl.nu/qfyr
  Replies (37) Good night (4272) Bad night (611)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.

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  (519): I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes. http://tfl.nu/14d6
  Replies (14) Good night (4325) Bad night (1442)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.

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  (267): You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian. http://tfl.nu/n8zg
  Replies (32) Good night (7567) Bad night (984)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix

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  (214): No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix http://tfl.nu/3cn5
  Replies (11) Good night (675) Bad night (3646)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

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  (816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower. http://tfl.nu/cq6t
  Replies (41) Good night (1496) Bad night (13395)
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  (845): View more from New York

  he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"

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  (845): he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail" http://tfl.nu/o5gt
  Replies (37) Good night (6466) Bad night (1393)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak

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  (847): he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak http://tfl.nu/y31q
  Replies (18) Good night (1248) Bad night (5233)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

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  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (11240) Bad night (997)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.

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  (217): dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws. http://tfl.nu/yoz5
  Replies (5) Good night (1118) Bad night (1342)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me

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  (504): open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me http://tfl.nu/k62l
  Replies (1) Good night (2305) Bad night (929)
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  (415): View more from California

  so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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  (415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3528) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Way to promote small business.

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  (314): Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business (314): Way to promote small business. http://tfl.nu/n30m
  Replies (3) Good night (1436) Bad night (344)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?

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  (270): Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with? http://tfl.nu/81ec
  Replies (5) Good night (556) Bad night (345)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals

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  (413): He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals http://tfl.nu/hgzz
  Replies (4) Good night (994) Bad night (445)

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