I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you