sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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