I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.