Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
my liver is dry heaving