Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
