I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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