i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
